Update March 30, 2009

Monday, 30 March 2009 12:06

How do you deal with criticism? Maybe another way to phrase the question is: How does criticism affect you? Your reaction to it could be called “The Critical Effect.” I heard someone say that the word criticism should have been added to the old saying that deals with death and taxes. Indeed, death, taxes AND criticism are all factors with which each of us will have to cope. There is no escape from any of these burdens, for any of us. In fact, criticism will undoubtedly occur no matter how talented or successful we might become. Some say that the MORE talented and SUCCESSFUL you become, the more criticism you are likely to face! Sobering thought for sure, but our reaction to the criticism is ultimately OUR choice. So again, how does criticism affect you? When I was younger, this was a very difficult area for me. I was very sensitive to criticism, and its effect on me was, at times, paralyzing. I would often withdraw from the activity that was being criticized, even if I was not the main focus of the criticism.

As I have matured (notice how I said “matured” instead of “getting older”) I have come to understand that my reaction to criticism is more important than the criticism itself. I use the phrase “it says more about them than it does about me” very often in my personal and professional life. For me, criticism has become a barometer that I use to gauge whether or not I am doing the very best that I can do. When I hear criticism now, I ask the question: “am I doing the very best that I can in the area that is being criticized?” If the answer is yes, then I set aside the critical comment(s). But, if the answer is no, then I take a serious look at the area or activity in question and try to improve what I am doing in that area. I use criticism as a catalyst for positive change, if it is warranted. And if the criticism is not warranted, I brush it aside and move on to the next “thing.” In this way, I keep my reaction in check. It is a tool for positive change when it is warranted. And when it is not warranted, I try very hard not to dwell on it, lest it consume my thoughts and distract me from the work I have been called to do. Criticism is generally driven by the personal preferences of the critic, not necessarily a reflection of the receiver’s performance. The personal preferences of others are things over which we have absolutely no control.

The MCMC project is often criticized for things over which it has no control. Some of these things include a lack of direct service dollars, too much paperwork or bureaucracy, too much oversight and reporting … just to name a few. When I hear criticism, I apply what I have mentioned above. I ask the question, “are we doing the very best that we can do in the areas that are being criticized?” If the answer is yes, then I try to keep it that way. But if the answer is no, then rest assured that I will do everything within my abilities to try to do better. If I do not have the abilities needed, then I will seek help. The MCMC staff and I are well aware of the areas over which we have control, as well as those areas over which we have no control. We must always focus on the areas in which we have control. We certainly try to influence as much as we are able; but in the end, we cannot afford to get distracted in dealing with things that are out of our hands.

I hope that you are the same way; and that, if not, you might begin to approach this work from a different angle. Use criticism you receive from clients, your peers, your boss, or even family members as a catalyst to make positive changes. Ask whether or not the criticism is warranted first, and if it is not, then let it go. Your mental health depends on it, and the work that you are doing on behalf of others is too important to let unwarranted criticism distract you from your course.

Blessings,

Stephen P Carr II, MA, MFT